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Immortal_McMurray42
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Name: Hollee
Country: United States
State: Colorado
Metro: Colorado Springs
Birthday: 2/21/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: I'm easily distracted, so you could say that really anything interests me. But, some things more than others. Twilight and NCIS for example. Also, good music, smelly candles, buying new ringtones, searching aimlessly through the endless interwebs, sweet tea, and Hollister.
Expertise: Nunya
Occupation: Server
Industry: Restaurant?
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  holleexann
Yahoo:  holleexann
Member Since:
4/24/2005
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| So, it's about two AM and I was just attempting to go to sleep. Definitely not working. My mind will. not. stop. I have more going on in my head than in my actual life. How sad?
I'm stressed. Big time. I'm unemployed. The restaurant at which I was working was closed down. Initially it was only supposed to be for three weeks while the owners went on a what I thought was a well deserved vacation. One of them had just had major surgery and they needed the time away. No big deal. Thing is, we got ONE DAY notice to this closing and now I find out that they moved to California. The restaurant's not opening back up. Fifteen to twenty people lost their jobs, just like that. And with the economy as bad as it is (and it doesn't look like it's gunna get any better anytime soon), it is hard, if not impossible, to find a job. I have had three interviews this week, and nothing from any of them. They were only fr part time positions anyway. Twenty hours a week at most. I can't live off that. Not when I have this list of expenses:
1. Rent (100-150)
2. Electric (100-150+)
3. Cell phone (80)
4. Cable (50-60)
5. Groceries and misc. necessities
How does anyone expect one to live and be able to keep their head above water on barely minimum wage and twenty hours a week? I don't get it. I don't understand how people can be so callous, so heartless, and not care whether or not you have a place to live, hot water in your shower, or food to put in your pantry. As long as they get theirs, the hell with everything and everyone else. I keep to myself for the most part. I don't cause any drama. I stay out of everything. And yet this is what happens. I lose my job and have no chance anytime soon of finding another one worth while. And all anyone can do is ask for more. More, more, more. We need money for this. Well if you want that done you have to pay for this. It's enough to make me just want to seclude myself from the world. Dig myself a hole, climb in, curl up, and never think twice and never look out. I'm tired of being the one that gets walked on. The one that says yes to everything because she can't stand to say no, then get shit in return for it.
I'm thisclose to having to just start selling everything I own. Including my car. I'll have nothing. But apparently that's what you have to do anymore to get anywhere. Lie, cheat, steal, sacrifice yourself. What kind of world is this to live in anymore? It's not worth it. The blood, sweat, tears, and sacrifice I've put into this life have left me with nothing to show for it. My accomplishments feel nothing like that. They feel more like obligations and expectations. Its what I was supposed to do so why should get praised for doing what should have been done?
I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm not meant for happiness. I'm not allowed to be the one who sails easliy through life getting everything she wants. No, I'm the tested one. The one pushed to her mental and physical limits to satisfy everyone else. Everything that does make me happy is taken away from me or just up and leaves on its own, leaving me in a deeper hole than before. Just when I think I'm getting ahead and finally getting a hold on things, bam, it's stripped away from my grasp. I question every day what I did that was so bad that I deserved this kind of punishment. The endless tests and mountains put before me. I can only take so much before I slip and crash my way down the mountain. I'm failing the test. Hitting rock bottom.
The line from Bruce Almighty, "God is a kid with a magnifying glass and we're the ants" is actually starting to hold some water to me. Why do the little people ho do right and do their best to follow His rule, get the crap while the sinners go free and wallow in their glutton and lust and greed? None of it makes sense to me whatsoever.
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| I have not updated this in almost two years. Holy crap. I don't know what posessed me, but I just came on here last night and browsed through all of my old entries and wow. I was weird. No wonder I had no friends lol.
I could not even begin to explain everything that has happened in the last two years. Mainly because I don't remember a lot of it. It's been INSANE. All I can tell you is I'm still in Texas, but not for much longer. We're getting our resources together and getting out and back to Colorado. I can't wait to be back where sanity and intelligence is treasured. No lie. People here are beyond retarded, but I'm not getting into that.
I've been in and out of love. I thought I found the one. We were together for almost two years, but things just didn't work out and we're no longer together. It hurts having to see him with someone else all the time but I'm slowly getting over it.
I do have a car now. 1997 blue Chevy Lumina. But I'll probably be selling it to have more money for Colorado. My mom is driving a 1998 black Chevy Lumina, but hers is the fancy Luxury Edition. Betch. lol.
I'm working at a Mexican Seafood and Grill Restaurant. It kinda sucks, but it's money.
I have a totally black border collie mix named Bailey. He's gunna be three this year and he's my baby boy.
I had my name legally changed from Holly Jones to Hollee McMurray as of last April and I couldn't be happier about it. Finally I am the person I should have been this whole time. I know it sounds weird but I really do feel like a different person.
I have a cell phone. lol. It's a Razr and I'm with Alltel, soon to be merged with Verizon. Goody to bill increases.
I am wholheartedly addicted to Twilight. Can't help it so don't be hating on me or making fun of me.
You all probably already know this since you keep up with me on Myspace, but I figured what the heck.
I may actually be keeping up with this and updating it occassionally. So keep your eyes peeled.
Til next time kiddies!
xoxo
Hollee Ann.
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| dude. wtf happened to me and this place? i like..totally ditched it for something farrrrrr better. Myspace. oh yeah I'm a Myspace whore and a half. find me there www.myspace.com/aloneallalong21 but. i figured since there are a few of you who havent quire caught on to the myspace thing yet..I'll update you bitches. so lesse. the last time I posted anything was just after graduation. WOW. A LOT has happened since then. First and foremost, for those who don't know, I live in Texas now. I left CO maybe a week or two after I posted my last blog. Been here ever since and I absolutely HATE it. I miss home so much. But, so does mom so we're planning on me getting a job (I've had one already..let's not go there) and saving up money and as soon as we can (like before February) get back to CO and I'll prolly end up goin to either CSU-Pueblo or PPCC. I need to get another foreign language credit before Belmont Abbey will accept me. Plus, I think I'd be better off just getting all my pre req's and cores outta the way. I'm still single. Yea yea, pathetic me right? Going on three years being single. Ain't that some shit? I just haven't found anyone I can be truly happy with. I know I'm in love with someone but yeah, right. Like that one'll ever happen. I've been on a couple vacations though since I've been here, which have been great for me to get away and not worry about home. I went to Houston for a week and stayed with Jennifer. Then I went to Louisiana for a week and stayed with Kalen. Staying with Kalen=oh so many embarasing and funny memories. Let me just say...I will NOT be getting that shitfaced anyyyyytime soon. Long island iced tea and coke and rum...DOESN'T MIX! just FYI. oh yeah and don't eat chow mein after you're plastered expecting it to help you sober up a bit. that's all I'm saying. So the new Evanescence CD has FINALLY come out. (The Open Door, debuted at #1 baby!) and WOW. it is AMAZING. Sooooooo much better than Fallen, and soooo much more honest and straightforward. Favorite songs are Lithium, Snow White Queen, Like You, The Only One, and Good Enough. Also, there is a B-Side that I was able to snag called 'The Last Song I'm Wasting on You.' and it made me cry. Like bawling my eyes out crying. It is seriously that damn good. If you want it just IM me (MorninWood47 on AIM) and I'll send it to you. Lithium is the next single and video to be released, prolly in late November sometime. Aaaaaaan of course I can't forget my Nascar news. Such as it is. Jamie's been doing baaaaad. Just got wrecked again yesterday in ATL. His season blows and I'm not even looking forward to next season. Stupid Car of Tomorrow shit. Errrrrg. Not to mention Toyota coming into the sport. *gags* On the other hand, Jon's FINALLY gunna be making his way into Cup. He'll be sharing the 21 car with Schrader for 10-13 races. Not only that...I get to go meet him on Thursday. Oh yeah...it's awesome to be me right now. I'm actually going to meet Jamie too. If mom'll okay it that is. Plano and Keller, here I come! Wanna give biiiiig kudos to Kasey Kahne for making the Chase when no one else wanted to believe in him...for winning 6 races this year and showing all the nonbelievers that he is more than just a pretty face (no lie, the man is GORGEOUS...but anyway)... Sooooo...I can't really think of anything else to write about off the top of my head. So I guess I'll go shower and whatnot now. Thanks ya'll for reading..If you still are. and thanks for not forgetting about me, if you didn't. XO Hollee | | |
| I have not updated this thing in forever and a day!
so ummm..I'm offically a High School graduate...yes kiddies I did it..I made it through hell..congrats to me! lol...
I'm moving to Texas at the end of the month..movin to Jacksonville/Tyler which is right by the Louisiana border somewhere...so I definitely won't be on as much...since I have to get a job and all once we get there...so i can save up to move to NC in January..which..btw is still happening..idc who says what...it's happening..if I have to hitch hike my ass all the way there I will! hah
anywho..in other news..umm..not really much goin on...just kicking back...packing.cleaning..that kinda shit..so yeah...
I just thought I would let ya'll know..I am officially done with high school...i'm outta CO...and I'm never looking back!
XOX Hollister | | |
| CONGRATULATIOINS CLASS OF 2006...WE MADE IT...
BEST OF LUCK TO YOU ALL IN THE FUTURE!!!
FFCHS C/O 2006....REPRESENT!
~Holla~ | | |
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